you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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