Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
