I wanna bring you to show and tell
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
