Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
