I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
