bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
