i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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