"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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