I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
