Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize