We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
