I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
