Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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