FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
