Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
