Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
