Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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