My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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