He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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