my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
