I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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