Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
