i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
