I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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