the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
