How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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