Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
