I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Randomize
