How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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