omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
