A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
