1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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