so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
BRING THE BAGELS
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
