I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
