when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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