I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
