You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
