I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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