i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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