um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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