the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
