i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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