I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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