my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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