I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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