Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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