Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
