im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
