Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
