AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How's work?
Spinning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
