normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
