I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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