Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
