Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize