She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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