Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
