Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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