i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
