Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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