Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
