I'm gonna have a badass scar
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he was CRYING into my vagina
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
