I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
